Friday, April 07, 2006

Guide to Political Scandals under GW Bush

1. The President is caught breaking the law.
2. The left-wing blogosphere (aka the left-wing echo chamber) erupts.
3. A second-class White House minion is sent out to explain that the President has the right to break the law because he is the President. That's not what the minion will actually say, but that's what is meant by what s/he says.
4. It's easy to find some legal hack who agrees with the White House, for example the guy who argued that there's no problem with torturing people if they're foreigners.
5. Republicans in Congress agree with the White House and assert that anybody who questions the President during the time of war is a traitor. The right-wing blogosphere (aka the right-wing echo chamber) picks this up, and its major proponents (people who would have made an excellent career in Nazi Germany) assert that traitors will have to be dealt with.
6. The presumed semi-independent chair of the Senate's Judiciary Committee, Arlen Specter, promises an investigation (where the panel, of course, has a majority of Republicans), which finds that the laws have to be changed so the President doesn't have to break them any longer. Meanwhile, actual constitutional experts are writing very detailed explanations why the President is not allowed to break the law, but nobody cares since American Idol is on, and nobody knows when Brad and Angelina will get married.
7. Democrats hide under their desks - just like in the Seinfeld episode, they have beds installed under their desks, so nobody can find them. Nominally, Democrats are what people in other countries call "the opposition"
8. At this stage, some other case will be reported where the President broke the law
9. go back to 1 and proceed from there

Optional, somewhere in between:
x. The New York Times writes a lengthy article on page P456, which contains all the fact and which makes it quite clear that the law was broken, that the President must not break the law etc., and that some legal hacks (who nobody takes all that seriously) disagree, all that under the headline "For some, breaking the law is a problem"
y. Maybe a single Democrat Senator (think Russ Feingold) will maybe ask for censure (in theory, breaking the law is an impeachable offense, but since there are elections coming up etc etc etc...).
z. The Army launches operation "Break The Will of the Evildoers" somewhere in the Iraqi desert, which - needless to say - is a huge success, since there weren't any rebels there in the first place. An Army spokesperson exlains that "we must have caught them by surprise since we met very little resistence".